


Something lost

by solanummm



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: 3x08, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 12:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4101535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solanummm/pseuds/solanummm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Delphine was soft golden curls and lips that made her legs buckle. She was shared smiles, infectious laughter, a chemistry that made her heart twinge and her pulse skip. <i></i></i>
</p><p> </p><p>Just a little narration of 3x08 in case anyone had forgotten how painful that scene was</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something lost

Delphine was soft golden curls and lips that made her legs buckle. She was shared smiles, infectious laughter, a chemistry that made her heart twinge and her pulse skip. She was a warm summers day, spent curled up on the grass, sunlight pooling in patches where it peaked through the leaves. She was the person Cosima could turn to at 2am with a crazy idea, and see the other girl's face mirror her excitement. She was her focus point at late nights in the lab, when the disjointed lullaby of beeps the machines created threatened to send her to sleep.

She was something Cosima couldn't explain, she couldn't reduce her to numbers or chemicals. She was the girl Cosima wanted to hold, always, and never let go.

She was also the girl Cosima didn't want to need.

She hated that Delphine was the last thing she thought about as she fell asleep. Her legs wrapped around Shay's, curled up in a nest of fresh cotton sheets, she wished she could say the only thing she wanted was the adorable blonde sleeping beside her.

Sometimes, she could trick herself into thinking that really was the case.

But then she'd catch sight of Delphine, and although they'd speak to each other with hearts made of stone, inside Cosima was screaming at herself to run to her, kiss her. She wanted to fix the lips that were set in a hard line, the eyes that were full of hurt. All she'd have to do was move forwards. Just a couple of inches forward.

So little space had never before seemed like so much.

She hated how broken they'd become, when they used to fit together like the cogs of a machine. When they worked together, it was like there was nothing they couldn't solve. Cosima and Delphine, two minds, and a whole world of puzzles that were ready to be solved.

Now Cosima had lost track of all the secrets Delphine didn't know. There was miles of murky black lies between them, fuelled by anger and pain. Cosima couldn't help the way she dug her nails into her palms whenever she met Delphine's eyes, cooly staring her down.

_Most of the time I don't know what to feel_

So, when she told Delphine about being tugged back from the edge of death, it was almost freeing.

Her entire being was tinged with sadness, and she tried to steady herself, to let Delphine know this one important secret, that her heart wasn't set against her, and it never had been.

'The day you left for Frankfurt I almost died.' She blinked her tears away rapidly, turning to Delphine, who suddenly looked so young as she leant back against the desk, as if she was only playing at being boss.

Cosima was trembling with the effort of holding herself back. 'Some kind of near death experience. And it was so easy, I could have just slipped away. Then I had a vision of you.'

Delphine's mask had cracked completely, and Cosima could read the love on her face, could see that Delphine wanted her just as badly.

'I came back for you.' She shrugged, tears tracking their way down her cheeks as a watery smile flicked across her face.

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'You don't believe stuff like that.'

It was as if Cosima's heart was being pulled in two different directions, threatening to wrench her apart. Her legs carried her towards Delphine, but she shook her head, refusing to meet her eyes. She couldn't do this. She couldn't seek comfort in Delphine's arms only to be tossed aside again. It would eat away at her, sticking a knife in the repose she had found in Shay.

Even though it was what she wanted more than anything else in the world.

Her resolve was melting fast.

'Come here.' Delphine turned Cosima's face to meet her own. 'Come here.'

One last attempt to avoid the inevitable, and then her eyes fluttered closed, and her lips met Delphine's. There were no fireworks. There was no euphoria. There was desperation, and heartache and love in the urgent press of their lips. It was like coming home, and in that brief moment, there was only Delphine.

She could feel Delphine's hand on the side of her face, her thumb running softly over her cheek. Delphine whimpered gently into the kiss, and they broke apart, their foreheads pressed together and their eyes screwed tight shut. Cosima allowed herself that, that small comfort, although she could feel herself breaking inside.

She drew back.

'Im sorry.'

She opened her eyes, and saw how Delphine's face had hardened against her again. The boss mask was back on, and it was as if it had never slipped, never betrayed the fact there was compassion beneath its surface.

'You should have trusted me.'

Cosima refused to let her tears fall.

**Author's Note:**

> Your comments and kudos are like virtual hugs of loveliness


End file.
